The Happy Vespers
by oddment1
Summary: The Vespers are about to be under new management. Meet the Joker and Harley Quinn.


(AN: I don't own 39 Clues or Batman. I know that we don't know who Vesper One is. I'm just guessing.)

A rather grumpy looking man named Jack Napier guarded a rather dilapidated looking warehouse while shuffling a deck of cards. The man with a crooked nose on his face was wearing a red suit and a red hat. He was a gun maul for a local gang of mobsters in Gotham City. Since it was the middle of the night, the warehouse was empty. Jack eventually drew a card from the deck and let out a high pitched laugh when he saw that it was the joker, his favorite card.

Eventually, Jack got bored and wondered into the warehouse when he heard a noise coming from the main office. Maybe he wasn't alone after all. The gangster slinked into the office to find gang enforcer Dave Speminer going through the boss' filing cabinet and wearing a black pinstripe suit. Dave got a nasty surprise when he heard a high pitched laugh and the click of a gun behind his head.

"Whatcha' doing, Dave?" Jack sneered.

"I was just helping the boss find an important paper," Dave squeaked.

"I rather doubt that," Jack sneered.

Dave distracted Jack by throwing a file in his face and then made him dizzy with a punch to the face. When Jack got his bearings, Dave was long gone. Since he couldn't do anything else about this assault, Jack decided to go through the missing files to discover what his ex-buddy had been looking at.

"My, you are ambitious, Dave," Jack cackled to himself.

Ten years later, the man named Jack Napier was robbing a bank along side a female jester dressed in red and black while several horrified customers looked on. The main difference was that the man had stopped going by that name years before after a dip in a vat of chemicals. His skin was now bleached completely white and he wore a purple suit with a flower in the lapel. Jack now called himself The Joker.

"Did you shut off the alarm, Harley?" Joker asked.

"I took care of it, puddin'," Harley laughed with a salute.

"I don't think so!" a rather gruesome looking man wearing a bat suit growled.

"You again?" Joker howled while pulling a gun out and pulling the trigger only to have a bang flag pop out. "You gave me the wrong gun, Harley!"

"It's the only one we could afford!" Harley Quinn whimpered.

Harley advanced toward Batman with a series of acrobatic flips. Harley wound up getting handcuffed to a light fixture for her trouble. The Joker tried to hit Batman but wound up seeing several stars and then blackness. He woke up one hour later back in Arkham Asylum.

As soon as Joker was left alone in his cell, he pondered about his current money woes. He knew that he would need money to defeat his biggest foe. A smile appeared on his face when he remembered his old friend Dave. Joker knew that Dave's scheme was in full force since he supposedly disappeared from the globe. Joker knew that his problems would be over if he could cut himself in on the action, or even better, take it over completely. It would also be a chance to pay his old friend back for the humiliation he had suffered all of those years ago. He knew it couldn't be too hard to find him with his connections. After all, he had once stalked a man for two years for fun even though the man changed his name and moved to a new town. Before exiting Arkham, Joker reluctantly decided to bust out Harley and another associate to help keep his future flunkies in line.

In an unknown location, an abandoned gas station sat unused for years. This gas station was actually a front for an underground base of maniacal spies. These spies were currently holding several hostages in a hidden cell that did not appear to have a door. In the highest level of the underground fortress, Vesper One sat in his office sending a message on his secure phone to Amy and Dan Cahill that it would not be wise to make him sad. All of a sudden, alarms sounded throughout the fortress. Vesper One turned on a monitor to see what was going on and found a female jester causing trouble. One of his henchmen tried to shoot her with a crossbow, but the intruder evaded the shots with some fancy flips. She eventually ripped the crossbow out of his hands and beat him up. Another henchman was about to shoot her with a normal gun, but the woman took a weird launcher from a holster on her back and knocked him out with a projectile shaped liked a fist. Vesper One was about to handle the rude jester himself when the hinges of his door started smoking. The door fell to the floor to reveal a psychotic clown dressed in purple.

"Hey, I know you!" Vesper One roared. "You're The Joker!"

"Don't you recognize me, Dave?" Joker whined.

"Is that you, Jack?" Vesper One asked.

"I haven't used that name for a long time," Joker mused.

"What are you doing here?" Vesper One demanded.

"Things have been rough in Gotham for me so I decided that I would hang out here for a while," Joker laughed.

"I don't think so!" Vesper One snorted while pulling out a gun only to have Joker knock it away with a rubber chicken.

"You need to laugh more, Dave!" Joker blared while squirting Vesper One with gas from his flower.

"No, don't!" Vesper One cried. "HA!HA!HA!"

The Joker was soon the only one laughing since Vesper One was dead.


End file.
